How to be “The Man”

How to be “The Man”

Toby really doesn’t blog but I sometimes wish he did. If he did, I would encourage him to write a post about how to be a “the perfect man” when your wife is having a baby. It’s a high art he’s managed to master with very little experience. I doubt Jim-Bob Duggar is as good at playing this role and he’s had 19 chances to top himself.

Since Toby doesn’t blog, I’ll just have to outline what he does so well so that others may learn. Expecting? Feel free to print and put this on your fridge as a subtle nudge to your husband.

Make Her Laugh: Toby is a tough guy about many things but one of his points of squeamishness related to watching someone else undergo any kind of medical procedure. We don’t watch those surgery shows on the health channel.When Toby stood up during the c-section to try to walk over to the warmer to get a look at the baby, he immediately had to sit down – hard. He’d accidentally seen “behind the curtain” and was very woozy. Giggling at your husband is a great cure for your own anxiety.

Be the Entertainment and Dining Committee. We were a little better prepared for hospital living this time (we actually packed) but nothing can change the fact that hospitals are boring and have mediocre food. Toby rented movies, brought his iPad, and delivered food from some of my favorite places around town so that we got a treat from hospital fare each day.

Stick Around. Toby elected to stay with me in the hospital the entire time. They do provide a bed (read: mid-evil torture rack) for a guest but it aint pretty if you have back problems. It was great having him there to handle all the things I could not get out of bed to do. It was also great to have a little break for 2-3 hours each day so that I could sleep, have the baby to myself, and watch TLC. Combined with the entertainment and treats, it was a bit like a mini vacation – at a resort where all the attractions are closed because of a natural disaster. Oh, and you’ve been gut shot just before checking in.

Get Out Your Rubber Gloves. If your wife is as neurotic as I am, she will not be able to “sleep when baby sleeps” while the house is messy. And nothing messes up your house like a baby. Toby cleaned the whole house the night before we went to the hospital then cleaned again and again for the the next three days after we got home.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone. We’ve been married over 9 years and my husband does not do laundry. He does many things, but not that. It’s been a law in our house ever since he dyed an entire batch of clothes hunter green by washing them with a handmade rug. (An expert move on his part, since it has earned him nine years of laundry free living.) However, when we got back from the hospital he must have done 8 or 9 loads of laundry in one day and he didn’t shrink or dye anything. To show my appreciation, I will go back to pretending he cannot do laundry.

Give Props Repeatedly. While doing said laundry, Toby was good enough to say “I’m so sorry. I had no idea how much laundry we make and how much work it is!”

When the drugs wore off and I could use my phone to tinker on facebook, I saw a bunch of gems like this:

Nothing Says “I appreciate your sacrifice” like jewelry. If a survey of my friends is accurate, I have one of the few husbands on earth that is good at giving jewelry – and giving it at appropriate times (save it for happy occasions, not for apologies, gentlemen!). When we got home, Toby gave Robbie a necklace to give to me – with a blue stone and a pink stone.

I’m incredibly lucky.

  • avatar image
    Kim
    May 26th, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    You are. Love you all. So lucky to know you.

    Reply
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    Fruit Fly
    May 26th, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Awww, way to go Toby!

    Reply
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    Sharon Briggs
    May 26th, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    You have a rare gem there!!!

    Reply
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    Jocelyn
    May 26th, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    A beautiful tribute to a wonderful man! I loved reading every word… and the picture of your 3 loves is priceless.

    Reply
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    Sharon
    May 27th, 2011 at 5:01 am

    Seeing two wonderful people like you and Toby find each other, and be so good for each other, completely restored my faith after the big D. What a beautiful family you have!

    Reply
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    Marisa
    May 27th, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    What a sweetheart, you deserve him!

    Reply

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